Wedding stories:

Wedding Wars


"I ain't gonna pay no dollar for no corn muffin that's mostly dough."
   -- Kevin Kling


That's how it all started.  It's all Kevin Kling's fault.  No, wait -- Steve Wilson brought it up, so it's all Steve's fault.  Or...
 

The Root of the Evil

OK, it's Friday night, we're having the beach barbecue, and we're swapping funnies.  Steve, who is a distinguished linguist (or so we think -- we're easy to impress), tells us of a piece by Kevin Kling he heard on NPR's All Things Considered: Kling was talking about someone, an immigrant, who said he missed the tongue of his native country (sorry, forgot which one it was) because it was like music.  Kling says that this is true of Minnesotan too, it's like music.  He goes on to give the training sentence to use to learn to speak Minnesotan, just like the jerk in Bernard Shaw's play Pygmalion (movie My Fair Lady) uses "The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plains" to teach "proper" English.  So, you guessed it, the phrase is: "I ain't gonna pay no dollar for no corn muffin that's mostly dough."  For some reason, we all liked it and it became one of the mantras of the weekend.  It was much repeated, usually in very incongruous context.

Fast forward to our wedding ceremony.  Yes, you can see this one coming, but we couldn't at the time.  We're having this beautiful if New Agey, soulful if hippy ceremony.  We've had the readings, the Zuni wedding vase, the vows, the works.  Everything has been going beautifully, we're very emotional here, it's a Northern California moment.  Steve, who is officiating, gets to the part where if someone objects, they should speak now or hold their peace forever.

Four of our dumbkopf friends (Jeff, Karen, Tom, and Marsha, in decreasing suspected order of guilt) speak up and object.  This surprised us so, we have a fleeting, horrified instant of: "What?  WHAT?  What's wrong?"  And the four ninnies say in chorus: "We object on the grounds that we ain't gonna pay no dollar for no corn muffin that's mostly dough!"

. . .

That was money in the bank.  We had to get them back.

But you have to admit, not everyone can say objections were raised publicly at their wedding.  Makes us feel all special.
 

The Time Bomb, or: How We got Jeff and Karen Back

(Coming soon.)
 

Bass Fishin'

(Coming soon.)
 

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