Night Shift

Quotes

"He's gotten into the wrong click!"
– Detective Sergeant Maxwell Fisher, commenting on ferro-American The Kelvinator's affiliation.

"Sometimes I hate being one foot tall..."
– Officer Sparkypants

"When your little buddy rolls on you in court, with that rap sheet of yours, you'll be in the parking garage 'til you're a vintage classic."
– Lieutenant Therius, trying to extract a confession from ferro-American suspect Big Wheels.

Therius (to Segama the super-intelligent orangutang): "I'm never playing handball against you!"
Segama (to Therius the centaur): "And I'm never playing soccer against you!"

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Survey #1

Submitted by Edmund.

Lieutenant Therius asks: "What should happen to Officer Skip Sparkypants for queering the Kelvinator surveillance?"

1. Official reprimand placed in file
2. Put on desk duty
3. Placed on suspension
4. Fired
5. Fired and sent to jail
6. Tormented mercilessly by Internal Affairs
7. Strangled by Lt. Therius and thrown in a dumpster
8. Forced to date Shock Headed Peter for a year
9. Transferred to Earth 128-X, the “Fairy Meat” parallel.

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Survey #2

Submitted by Edmund.

Detective-Sergeant Fisher was not at work (Episode 4) because:

1. He was sick.
2. He was lazy and decided to call in sick.
3. He forgot to set the alarm.
4. There was a horrible personal tragedy that he had to attend to.
5. He didn’t want to be around while Officer Sparkypants was dealing with IAD.
6. He was ratting Officer Sparkypants out to IAD.
7. The hyperdrene sprites didn’t dissipate in time and he was afraid someone would notice.
8. He’d been strangled by Lt. Therius and thrown in a dumpster.
9. He was kidnapped by boyscouts and forced to toast marshmallows the night before, and was still getting goo out of his hair.
10. He accidentally melted his car and couldn’t get to work.

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Survey #3

Submitted by Edmund.

What will be Officer Knight’s favorite un-birthday present?

1. Gift certificate for 3 free hemoglobin slurpees at 7-11
2. 2 drops of 12-year-old pixie fairy blood.
3. Fake non-fangs
4. A 12-pack of rubber bats
5. Some perp Lt. Therius strangled and threw in a dumpster
6. A garlic-free lasagna recipe that Capt. Traynor’s boyfriend sent over
7. A request for a follow-up IAD interview from Captain Minerva
8. The first installment of Skip Sparkypants’ bribes for her not to tell IAD anything
9. Brad Pitt, recently “embraced” so that he can act as her escort for the evening

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Survey #4

Submitted by Edmund.

What will happen to Count Pietro in the aftermath of the Birthday Bust?

1. Will team up with the Brain Beast of Berlin and the Caligulator to form a new villain team "The Lame-o’s of Evil".
2. Will slink back to his Transylvania castle to commiserate with his rats and spiders.
3. Will start attending “Hemoglobin Anonymous” meetings.
4. Five to ten upstate as Bubba Ho-Tep’s "girlfriend".
5. Will strangle Lt. Therius and throw him in a dumpster.
6. Will cut Officer Knight out of his will.
7. Will become Joan’s pen pal from prison, prompting Sgt. Fisher to light the Neopolis Post Office on fire.
8. In a wacky series of plot twists, will become the newest member of the Special Operations Bureau after dressing up in a gorilla suit and winning the Neopolis PD annual surfing championship.
9. Will finally dump that goth look in favor of something more 60’s.
10. Nothing – you can take the blood out of the vampire, but you can’t take the vampire out of the blood.
11. Will inexplicably blame Officer Sparkypants for everything.

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