"Enterprise" Re-Cast

Sophie didn't like the casting of "Enterprise", the most recent Star Trek spawn, so she hired a new crew:

Captain Archer: Bruce Willis ("Yippee-kay-o, motherfucker!")
Subcommander T'Pol: Marsha Warfield ("Now don't make me go logical on your sorry human punk ass!")
Ensign Hoshi: Michelle Yeoh (or Anita Mui, runner-up) ("Kiaiiii!")
Ensign Mayweather: Will Smith ("Welcome to Earth!"). Runner-up: Chris Tucker ("Are we green?")
Commander "Trip" Tucker: Billy Bob Thornton ("Some people call it a phase pistol, ah call it a phaser, mmm hmm!")
Lieutenant Reed: Steve Buscemi ("How do I know the phasers are out of alignment? Because I'm a fucking genius, that's why!")