After all of that he walks back to the diner and announces: "The food is on the way and the lanes are ready to be bowled on, anyone want to give it a try?"
Leo takes a final swig of his Africola. "Not right now, thanks," he replies. "I think I'll just unwind a bit, but don't let that stop you."
"Oughtn't we oil doon the lanes fairst?" asks Goodness. "I kin take care o' that whilest the rest of ye pick oot yer shoes an' balls. I take a nine an' a half."
"I just did that. In fact they are slicker than a gay Turkish wrestler," Chris says.
"Damn shame the slave is dead, then. He'd've enjoyed that. An' Leo, did ye naught say somethin' before aboot this mystery hoos, that ye haird the summons come from someone who was actually alive? Perhaps ye could call 'er, find oot what she knows."
Leo shakes his head. "Nah, tried that, she denied ever saying anything about a house. She's a bureaucrat, I never have good luck with 'em."
Goodness regards Eugene momentarily. "An' you, Rainboo Breet1, I'm Special Agent Buttery Goodness, probably no longair of Customs an' Immigration. What was that ye said aboot C & I wantin' t' kill ye? Was it an' Asian fella wi' a gym bag?"
Leo gets up and walks over to Harvey. "Let me take a look," he says in response to Harvey's earlier plea. He has to weave around a bit since Harvey seems to be busy getting his bowling equipment together. "Let's see... Swelling, looks like about 50 millimiters by 40, about 10 mil thick... Some crusted blood, but nothing running... Skin is very red. Here, have some ice." He proffers a plastic cup with ice cubes in it.
Eugene takes the cup. "Thanks, Leo. I'll watch out for Harvey here, and then I could probably use the ice myself." He turns to Harvey and says, "Anyway, I'm trying to get my life together and so on, so that's my story. So, what brings you to this slice of surreal hell?"
"To be honest" says Harvey "I came here because I thought it might make an unusual place for a golf holiday. But, all my clubs got held up in customs. So I went to get a drink and take in a show, then some guy got killed on stage and it all kind of went downhill from there. Way I see it now, there's obviously some deeply weird shit happening round here, and I figure the only practical solution is to..."
It starts with a sound from the two operating lanes - a sort of mechanical grinding that is coming from the machinery behind the pins, accompanied by two brief shrieks, cur off almost the instant they begin. Then there is a loud *BANG* from the machinery area and the electricity goes out, plunging the entire bowling alley into darkness (lights on the street go out too). There are several loud *THUMP* and *THUD* noises from the ceiling and a *CRASH* from the parking lot.
Goodness hits the ground, accidentally pulling down the glass sugar container which breaks upon impact. "Sweet," mutters the agent.
"Oh no, are we being hit by a S.W.A.T-team?" KK asks in a tired voice. Not waiting for an answer, he goes down on his knees and start to crawl, nose down towards the floor, away from everything. He tries to aim for the coziest little corner he can remember, but he's happy as long as he can get out of everyone else's way.
"AAAAAAGH! What now!?" Chris turns to move to the lanes where the sounds came from and as he does so trips over someone or something that is crawling on the floor.
Eugene swears, dives for the floor, and tries to crawl out of the way, only to be kicked by the club owner. "Fuck! That hurt!" His Chaos Butterfly is either wigging out from the nastiness, or causing it, and Eugene was just getting comfortable. He crawls over to the nearest collection of bowling balls, with the intention of hurling them at the first attacker who enters the building. So much for a relaxing interlude, thinks Eugene, as he starts to think uncharitable thoughts about his soon-to-be new home.
"Watch it, it's dark in here," KK says quietly to Chris. In his mind he congratulating himself for his sensible decision. If he hadn't been down on his knees, he could've been the one tripping over people in the dark. And hurting his nose. Ouch.
"That's it, I'm buying a goddamn gun!" exclaims Harvey. "Mr Goodness, do you have any weapons I could borrow, maybe a pistol or a nice automatic?"
"'Fraid I doon't," says the Scotsman. "I got a throwin' star, and, eh, hmmm. Some broken glass. What does it take t' have a bit o' doon time, anyway! WE JEST WANNA BOWL, IS THA' SO WRONG?"
Following the extinguishing of the lights and the crash from outside, no further generated noises disturb the darkness for the moment, save the rumble of traffic out on Bilge Street.
Harvey shouts out, "It looks like we've had a power outage. Does anybody have a lighter or match?"
Hearing this question, KK sits down one the floor and starts going through his many pockets for a lighter. Or a box of matches. He's taking his time though, because if there are any hostile intruders around, he wouldn't want to be the only one in the room holding a flickering flame above his head. Chris reaches into his pocket and pulls out his lighter. One flick later there is flame. Goodness follows suit, igniting his Zippo (which, incidentally, is a sparkly blue with a picture of Frank Sinatra on it). As various flames flicker on, like a passel of Dead-Heads lighting their Zipppos rather than cursing Jerry's final trip, it becomes possible to see a bit in the room. Leo gingerly steps out of his companions's way.
"Chris, where are the breakers?" he asks. "Maybe you blew them by turning on the equipment. I'll go check if the neighbours have power -- and maybe whatever the noise was in the parking lot. Oh, shit, maybe somebdy hit a power pole!"
"The breakers are in a box in the equipment room which is right to next to lane 40. I'll head there and see what I can do. Jesus, Mary and Joseph and all the holy saints what a day I'm having!" Chris mutters.
"Is there a ladder t' the roof?" asks Goodness. "I kin check t' see if any spaceships oor whatnot have landed." The agent begins sweeping glass fragments with the side of his hand, trying to pick the larger ones out of the sugar.
Harvey is sitting still and waiting for the lights to come back on. In the meantime he says to Ingar, "So, what brought you to the island then?"
Eventually KK locates a cheap lighter in one of his smaller, more out of the way pockets, and lights his own little flame. Having nothing better to do while waiting for the promised food to arrive, he walks over to the entrance to see what happened out on the street.
Since Agent Goodness has yet to receive a reply about the ladder to the roof, he tags after KK, unobtrusively drawing his gun and holding it behind his back. He begins crunching on something. Probably ice.
KK & Buttery move to the glass doors of the bowling alley. Out in the empty parking lot is what seems to the corner of a building. It looks like someone bit off a 10'x10'x10' chunk of a building, complete with furnishings, and dropped it in the parking lot. To make matters worse, the piece of building is burning merrily. Other than that, the lights in the area all seem to be out. Traffic on Bilge Street is slowing as drivers rubberneck at the burning chunk of wood and masonry sitting in the parking lot.
After standing still and gazing at the flames for quite a while, KK slowly walks outside towards the homely bonfire. He remembers to put his lighter out too, as the light it can provide is nothing compared to the fire out there. With any luck, there's more fried angels to be had. He wanders out into the parking lot to examine the chunk of burning wood and masonry which has inexplicably appeared there. The orange flickering light from the flames seems oddly comforting, relaxing, warming. Although he sees no flaming angels, proximity to the fire is enough to make him feel considerably better about life, after the strain of the day.
As far as KK can recall, he's never had any pyromaniac tendencies beyond that of a ten year old child playing with matches. So while he doesn't really mind this new fascination, he does wonder if it's a side effect of the Shiavit orange soda, or the pills. Maybe it's the combination? He should probably have a doctor or chemist check those things out, just to satisfy his curiosity. Oh well, plenty of time for that later. He glances down both sides of the street, wondering from which direction the food delivery will arrive.
Meanwhile, Chris and Leo both head back to the back room near Lane 40.
Goodness looks around for a ladder. Everyone else sort of sits around
and wonders what is going on.
It takes only a few moments for the cause of the problem to be discovered. There are two PEOPLE, both naked as the day they were born, wedged into the pinsetter in lane 13. One is a young man in his mid-twenties. The other is a young girl of around six. Both of them appear to be unconscious, and both are suffering from minor injuries of the sort one would expect from being caught in a pinsetter. However, both are also suffering from burns, and the man has a couple of nasty stab wounds as well, and is currently bleeding rather profusely into the machinery.
In addition to these two, there is the remains of what might once have been a teddy bear scattered about in a mass of shredded cloth and cotton stuffing hanging from various bits of the pinsetter.
Leo recognizes Sam and Marda almost instantly.
"Nom de dieu!" swears Leo, very uncharacteristically. "Marda! Sam! What the hell..." He whirls to look back at Chris. "I know these folks! We share a hotel room at Cesar's -- where I left them this afternoon. Did you say you had a doctor on the way? We're going to need him!"
He bends down to take a better look at the injuries, trying to guess if the two can be moved. "Marda, honey?" he calls softly. "Sam?" he calls, not quite as gently.
"Maybe you could go see if Dr. Harvey is a little more, uh, functional," he suggests to Chris. "I'd rather stay close so they have someone they know nearby if they wake up." He starts picking up the pieces of ratty old Teddy, once again dismembered. He knows that Teddy had better be fixed by the time Marda wakes up, or everyone's hearing is going to suffer.
A few moments after Leo and Chris head off to find the fuse box, the phone by the front desk starts ringing. Chris lets the phone ring as he and Leo check the fuses, when Leo suggests that Chris get the good doctor Finklebaum he snorts and says "Sure, though he is as loopy as a toad lickin' half-wit."
When the phone rings, Leo is just trying to figure out what to do. Chris trots off towards the front of the bowling alley to answer it, leaving the lanky circus performer to figure out how to extract Sam, Marda, and Teddy from their current predicament.
Leo realizes after only a few seconds that being a contortionist does not necessarily qualify him to figure out how to extract people from machinery. He contents himself with picking up bits of cotton ticking and cloth that constitute the mortal remains of Teddy. The poor toy creature looks to have been considerably battered since Leo last saw him.
Sam groans a little bit his eyes fluttering. He looks up at the ex-circus clown and moans "...get your junk out of our room... Nigel naked... warm fuzzy creatures... fire... Romanian hell..." His eyes go wide for a second, he gasps and then he looses consciousness again.
Leo frowns at this babble. "Sam?" he calls out. "Sam? That didn't make any sense, Sam! What are you trying to tell us? What happened to you?" But his words fall on unconscious ears.
He looks down at the remnants of Teddy, perplexed. He picks up all the stuffing and pieces he can find, hoping to put Teddy back together again. He looks closely at the mangled thing; one would never believe he sewed the thing back together only a week ago.
Leo manages to get the remains of Teddy out of the machinery (most of him anyway - some of the ticking is just too firmly wedged in to easily extract - Teddy is about to lose weight). Noting that the extrication of Sam and Marda is still outside his area of expertise, he heads back to the main area where the rest of his companions are sitting around staring at the darkness.
Goodness, for his part, discovers that there is only so long that you can watch a chunk of building burn in the parking lot - the fire is pretty, and granted the appearance of the chunk of building is mysterious, but no ready explanation presents itself, and there doesn't seem to be any continuing weird effect from it, so eventually he heads back inside.
Harvey trudges slowly towards the back room - the walkway leading in that direction seems to stretch forever, like a special effect from a Hitchcock movie. The back of his head throbs in time to each step. As he heads in he passes Leo, coming out. Leo seems to be carrying the remains of a badly mangled teddy bear, but for some reason this doesn't strike Harvey as odd, though the fact that it doesn't strike him as odd DOES strike him as odd.
Back amidst the machinery, Harvey discovers Sam and Marda. Both
are still unconscious. He immediately checks to see if either of
them is currently bleeding,
if so he uses items of his own clothing or whatever else might be to
hand to act as emergency tourniquets. He then turns and shouts back,
"Ingar, I need some help back here, could you bring some wet towels and
a first aid kit? And hurry!" He then turns back to his patients
and starts trying to determine if either is in immediate danger of dying.
Harvey then yells back at whoever might be listening, "Do we have showers
in this place?"
A definite stingy sensation that Harvey feels upon performing his initial probe suggests that there are still a few bits of glass stuck in his scalp, but that his brain box isn't cracked or anything serious. Damn, it hurts though.
Eugene says, "Given all that I've been through today, all of this being caused by an alien invasion which will end with all of us getting anally probed by big-eyed hairless lemur-looking things does not sound far off-base. With my luck, they'll stick me with the same ones that got a hold of my C&I counselor. Every time she swore, she seemed like she was getting electroshock therapy. I asked her about the implants, and she blamed it on menstrual cramps."
"I just realized," Eugene adds, "that I just gave a shorthand account of what my life's been like so far. And I wonder why I'm convinced I've been adopted by a Chaos Butterfly..."
When the phone starts to ring, Chris comes jogging back from behind the alleys and heads for the front desk. As he goes he catches Harvey's eye in the sem-darkness, and jerks a thumb in the direction of the door to the back that he just emerged from. He snatches up the phone on the sixth ring. "Helloooo! Rick's Bowling Palace and FunZone. Chris speaking."
"If those are the Grays, tell them I gave at the office!" yells Eugene in the background.
"Hi," says a pleasant female voice from the other end of the line. The accent is American Midwest. "This is Doctor Alexandria Bennett. You paged me."
"Hi there! I have several wounded here and I need a doc quick. I am at 1313 Bilge, the bowling alley. Get here in 20 minutes and I throw in an extra hundred."
"No problem. I'm down in the Plaza of Flowers at the moment - shouldn't be more than a few blocks away. What seems to be the nature of the injuries?"
"One head wound and two multiple lacerations due to being caught in a pinsetter. Be careful coming up, all the lights on the street are out."
"Yeah, I know. They're out down here too. That's 1313 Bilge street, right? Be there in a few minutes."
"Right." Chris rings off and then heads to the front door to see what the crashing sound from outside was. As he is walking by bic light to the front door he thinks that this would be a horrible time to meet Ingar for the first time.
Eugene looks curiously; with the promise of food and the company of people who don't seem out to kill him, torture him, or drive him insane, his natural curiosity is taking over. Besides, Harvey seems okay, and it would be a shame to lose him to a concussion.
"Hey, Chris," as Eugene has a stray thought enter his brain, "where are those other two guys? The Scottish guy and the other one. Did they find out what killed the power? And do you happen to know when those Kanga-thingies are going to get here? Sorry for so many questions, but I just realized the food was going slow, and I didn't know where those other guys went..."
Chris ambles over to the front door after getting off the phone, notes the chunk of burning building in the parking lot, considers calling the fire department, but decides that the chunk is far enough away from everything else that it probably isn't much of a hazard, and that after all he's been through tonight it may be best to not learn exactly what the Edge Fire Department really looks like anyway.
After about five minutes, a dark blue van swings into the parking lot and pulls up near the doors. A caucasian woman in her early thirties, 158 cm & 51 kg, dressed casually in jeans, a sweatshirt, and a baseball cap, hops out and moves to the back of the van, where she extracts two suitcase sized pieces of luggage which she starts lugging towards the front doors. Chris, always the gentleman, holds one of the doors open for her.
"Hi," she says, stepping inside. "Dr. Alexandria Bennet. You called me?"
"Yes I did. Please come this way. The person with the head wound is a doctor himself and is in the back looking after the two that are caught in the pinsetter." Chris pauses. "It has really been a busy night." He then takes out a c-note and hands it to Dr. Bennet.
"Pinsetters?" says Dr. Bennet. "That might be a bit of a problem - I'm not S&R, and I don't have any specialized rescue or extraction equipment. I'll see what I can do though." Dr. Bennet puts down one of the suitcases, takes the $100.00 bill, and stuffs it in a pocket.
As they walk towards the back Chris stops next to Goodness hands him a key and says, "This key unlocks the access ladder for the roof. Remove the padlock and crank the winch and the ladder will lower itself to you. Be careful up there."
"Eh, unnecessary," replies Goodness, holding his hands up without accepting the key. "We've sussed oot the problem. Apparently a building exploded. Big piece landed ootside. Naught t' fear as nothing stepped oot t' eat ne brains."
Dr.Bennet follows Chris back, passing Leo (who seems to be holding the remains of a shredded Teddy Bear) en route.
"What's all this then?" asks Goodness, looking at Leo's load of stuffing.
Leo shakes his head, trying to decide where to begin this one. He's feeling very tired, tonight.
"Well, Chris firgured out that there was a problem with something stuck in one of the pinsetters. When we got there, it turned out to be the two people I share a room with at Cesar's Hotel! I have no idea how they got here, when or why, since they're bout unconscious. They're stuck in the pinsetter, a doctor needs to look at this to tell us if they can be moved. They've been kinda crunched, of course, but the thing is, they have knife wounds and serious burns. Whatever happened to them since this morning, it wasn't pretty. Oh, and they're both butt-naked."
He spreads his spirey arms in a gesture of helplessness, waving the pieces of Mr. Teddy in the process. He looks down at the mangled thing. "And that," he continues, "that's Marda's toy. I should explain that Marda is a six years old girl. And Sam is, uh, her guardian, I guess. They came through C&I at the same time I did last week. Marda went ballistic when her teddy bear was split open by C&I, until I was able to sew it back together. Whatever happened to her, Teddy shared it! Now I have to figure out a way to put it back together before she wakes up, or she'll scream and wail at the top of her lungs non-stop. Guaranteed."
After Leo says all of this, Eugene shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, it's not being kidnapped and anal-probed by aliens, but yeah, it's still weird. Funny, I never had conversations this interesting back home. Oh, well, has anyone seen the Kanga-burger guy yet? I'm starved, and maybe when he shows up we could pay him extra to run somewhere and get a first-aid kit for Harvey and your roommates. Yeah, that makes sense. Around here, having a 24-hour first-aid store would be a colossal profit-maker, so there's got to be one. Or they probably have first-aid kits at the local 24-7 minimart."
Leo grimaces. "Look, Cartman -- Eugene, enough with alien anal probes already. If you haven't noticed, synchronicity is working overtime on this island, so you'd better be careful what you wish for. You may get it and and you won't like it. My friends --" At this point, he is interrupted by a thunderous voice from the street.
"YOU IN THE PARKING LOT, FREEZE!"
* * *
Back behind the lanes, Harvey begins ripping up his shirt to apply to the stab wounds of one of the two stuck in the pinsetter, while yelling for assistance. What those out in the main waiting area hear is "Ingar I need ... back... you bring some...and a first.... And..!" And a moment later. "Do...in this....?"
Meanwhile, Chris offers to take one of Dr. Bennet's cases. Dr Bennet seems somewhat reluctant to hand over either of her two cases, so Chris contents himself with leading her back to where the victims du jour are located. There he makes the appropriate introductions. "Dr Bennet, Dr. Finklebaum, Dr Finklebaum, Dr. Bennett. There are the two stuck in the pinsetter. I'm going to go find a flashlight."
Dr. Bennett puts down one of her cases and withdraws a penlight from a pocket. Once she is able to shed a bit of reliable light on the subject she extends a hand. "Dr. Finklebaum? Pleased to meet you. I understand you took a bit of a bump to the head. Why don't you go sit over there," she motions to some out of the way place, "while I take a look at these two." She waves the penlight in the direction of the two in the pinsetter. Presuming that Harvey gets out of her way, she takes a moment to examine the pair trapped in the machinery, and clucks her tongue softly, then sets down the other case and opens it, removing some swabs, disinfectant, sterile gauze, bandages, two syringes, and some sort of drug that she begins filling the syringes with.
Harvey does indeed get out of the way, saying: "If I can be of assistance, Doctor, I am medically trained, if not I'll stay out of your way. When you're done there I have broken glass embedded in the back of my head and have been experiencing some signs of shock."
Ingar veers around in confusion and tries to figure out what Harvey is saying. He quickly comes up with the following sequence of actions. He moves closer to the pinsetter, and then asks: "What did you say, Harvey?"
"It's not that important now the traumatologist is here, say, what's with the guys outside? Seems a little heavy for paramedics, I hope they don't treat many heart patients." Harvey looks down at his ripped Harvard sweatshirt. "I ripped my shirt," he adds needlessly, "you don't have a soda on you by any chance?"
"No, I'm afraid not," Ingar answers politely.
Harvey pauses to reflect. "Looks like we might not get that bowl, after all. Hell of a day".
"Oh, don't be negative. After all, most of us have survived without too serious injuries, and we have gotten to know one another, which can't be bad! It has been a memorable experience, as well. Hopefully we will get to bowl soon, too," Ingar says cheerfully. Then he adds in a gloomy whisper, "Besides, Hell is usually underestimated."
"I suspect bowling may be off for the day, at least until I get the broken glass out of my head and we extract the mutilated tourists from the machinery. You know, the tourist board on this island do a really lousy job of preparing people for local dangers. All I got told was to watch out for pickpockets." Harvey quicly checks his pockets. "I don't think I've seen one pickpocket yet. They didn't say a damn thing about getting mangled in bowling machinery or attacked by blood covered psychos."
"They might perhaps have done a bit more to prepare people, yes," Ingar rumbles in agreement.
"Hell is usually understimated, hey? Hmm, you wouldn't happen to be born again would you? You sound like my daughter."
"Oh, it was just an idle thought. I am not a religious man, my family has left me with a certain distaste for such things, though I try to remain tolerant. Besides, being born once is more than enough."
"Yeah, I've got to agree with you there. It's why I never went into Obstetrics, one birth per person is more than enough for me."
"Some births are worse than others," Ingar comments somberly.
"By the way, what's up with the family? Big on religion were they? Don't feel you need to answer that if it's private, I ask just because mine's kind of gone that way and I know how difficult it can be."
"Yes, I guess you could say my family were really into religion. In a big way. Moreover, they could be said to be the kind of people who give cultism a bad name. I grew up in an isolated settlement in the north of Norway, lots of indecent things were done there. My maternal grandfather was the religious leader of the place. I ran away in my teens, and got myself an education, but lately, they have been trying to track me down again, so if any Norwegian asks you if you have seen me - you haven't." As Ingar mutters, a nervous twitch starts at one of his eyes. The entire eyeball appears to be jerking up and down, rather than it being a twitch in the surrounding musculature. A trick of the light, in all likelihood, or perhaps Harvey's head injury is getting to him.
"Don't worry," the good doctor assures Ingar, "I won't give you away to anyone, anyway..." His voice trails off.
"Thank you, friend."
"Oh damn, I think I'm starting to fade out again," sighs Harvey. "If I get weird make sure I get to treatment, somewhere they don't have armoured cars and arc lights preferably."
"That might be somewhat difficult in Al-Amarja, but I'll do my best."
* * *
Out in the parking lot, KK is contemplating the burning building bit and wondering where the food is coming from. Perusal of the area around him reveals a restaurant with a logo of a kangaroo with a pouch full of sandwiches and soft drinks across the street, and the words "Kanga Burger" written conspicuously on the tee shirt it is wearing. KK is contemplating whether this is, indeed, the place where their food is supposed to come from (it seems likely, but in the cheery glow of the fire it doesn't seem necessary to jump to any hasty conclusions) when his calm reverie is shattered by the sound of a very loud engine coming up the street.
The vehicle that pulls into the parking lot was once a 1994 Kountry Star 37' motor home, but has clearly undergone several modifications since it rolled off the production line. The first, and most obvious, is the sheet metal armor welded all over the body, making the vehicle look like an escapee from an A-Team set. The standard front bumper is missing, replaced with a heavy duty crash bar. Most of the front windshield has had armor welded over it, and what portions remain visible are tinted black. A row of roof mounted halogen lights become painfully obvious when they skewer KK in their actinic blue zillion candlepower glare. The armored monstrosity barrels into the parking lot and screeches to a stop in an explosion of pneumatics.
"YOU IN THE PARKING LOT, FREEZE!" booms a voice from a loudspeaker mounted on the vehicle. "MOVE ONE INCH AND I'LL FLATTEN YOU!"
And guess what? KK doesn't move an inch.
"ATTENTION INSIDE THE BOWLING ALLEY! BRING OUT YOUR CASUALTIES ONE AT A TIME, REPEAT, ONE AT A TIME! NO MORE THAN TWO ATTENDANTS TO ACCOMPANY EACH CASUALTY. FORM A SINGLE FILE LINE AT THE BACK DOOR. REPEAT, A SINGLE FILE LINE!"
Inside the bowling alley, the group suddenly finds the interior of the building illuminated, at least somewhat, by a wash of light from the parking lot, and hears the sound of a large vehicle engine outside. The words from the loudspeaker come through clearly.
With this last commotion, Ben, who had been stoically ignoring everything in hopes of finally getting a little peace and quiet, gives a sigh of resignation. Hauling himself out of the booth he moves towards the front of the bowling alley trying to get a better idea of what is going on in the parking lot.
Leo cautiously approaches a window that lets him get a view of the newly arrived vehicle. "Incroyable..." he murmurs. Louder: "I'll go check what's going on in the back and whether we really want to hand over our casualties to the armoured medic there. Unless their case is desperate, I don't think it's a good idea..."
"Aw, shit." Eugene takes a quick, furtive peek out the window. "If I get the chance, somehow," Eugene whispers to himself, "I'm going to strangle that fucking Butterfly o' mine with my bare hands!"
To Leo, he says: "I know it's been a long day, and we're all beat, but I personally wouldn't hand over a dead dog to those guys out there. Just something about an armored ambulance that says 'Bad things will come to you if you accept our help' to me." He glances outside, hoping that the poor schmuck outside doesn't do anything stupid.
Chris moves to the front of the building upon hearing the cacophony in the parking lot. "I see the other doctor is here, all right Eugene, time to have that head wound attended to. Don't worry, I'll walk you out there."
"Uh, forgive me my stupid questions, but is it normal for medics to come in armored vehicles around here? On second thought, I just realized that I used the word 'normal', and I probably answered my own question." Eugene, looking pensive, follows Chris out the door. On the way out, he looks for his little fractal friend, wondering what the bastard got him into this time.
Goodness arches an eyebrow, "Ye ken strangle a butterfly wi' yer bare hands? Ye must be verra strong, Junior. An' have really small hands." He starts walking quickly towards the back of the alley, where the injured lay. To himself he says aloud, "Naked, wi' burn marks? Ye try t' warn 'em aboot floor burn, but do they listen? This is what happens when ye doon't let go of the ball!" He has no ready explanation for the cuts. Perhaps they were playing Shave 'N Bowl.
"Everything might be just fine." Chris smiles to Eugene. "What is the worst that could happen?"
Eugene stops at a dead halt, and gives Chris a look similar to one you might give a bus driver or an airline pilot who, you suddenly realize, is on hallucinogenics but is attempting to pilot the vehicle anyway. "I don't know how long you've been here, but that is precisely the wrong attitude to have on Al Amarja. We could be captured for lab experiments, we could accidentally piss off one of the medics and get injected with a poison, we could get run over by the panicky driver, we... well, should I even go on?"
"Hey, I was just trying to lighten the mood. Let's see what Doc Shokk has to offer in the way of trauma care, eh?"
Eugene shrugs. "Okay. I was just wondering if your 'What's the worst that could happen' was due to wide-eyed innocence or Russian-style fatalism. If you know this guy, and you're prepared for the worst to happen at the most inconvenient moment, then I'll give him a shot. Or her. I've just recently developed the attitude that it's okay to extend a hand in friendship, as long as you're not too surprised when you pull back a bloody stump."
"Stop whining, Junior!" shouts Goodness as he reaches the back of the alley. "Yer voice carries!" The Scotsman ducks into the area where the unfortunate bodies are jammed. "Hoy," he says in a low voice, "Who called fer the medics? Only, there's a tank ootside here t' take 'em away, an' I think if we doon't respond quickly, they're goan t' open fire." He shrugs, and adds, "Need any help?"
Back by the pinsetter, Dr. Bennett gives both Sam and Marda an injection, then glances over at Harvey. "Just a sedative to keep them quiet - wouldn't really do to have them thrashing around in there." She deftly applies a couple of compresses to Sam's most serious knife wounds.
"These two are beyond me," she comments, "They need a trauma unit. We also need to take this machinery apart to get them out of here. Keep pressure on these, would you Harvey?" she indicates the compresses, "I need to go talk to the owner."
Goodness surveys the situation and, realizing he has no blowtorch, crowbar,
jaws of life, or Crisco, decides he's done all he can here. He jerks
his thumb in the direction of the front and says, "I'm goan t' tell the
health care professionals that ye'll be oot as soon as ye ken extricate
the poor souls." He begins jogging to the back door, where he was
instructed to go by the giant bullhorn and kleiglights. As soon as he opens
the door, he interlocks both hands behind his head and standscompletely
still, waiting to be prompted.
"THIS IS YOUR SECOND WARNING! BRING YOUR CASUALTIES TO THE BACK OF THE RV! REPEAT, THE BACK OF THE RV! AND HURRY UP ABOUT IT I... HEY! YOU IN THE PARKING LOT! YEAH YOU! I SEE YOU EYEING THE DISTANCE TO THE FRONT DOOR! THINKING YOU MIGHT MAKE A RUN FOR IT? WELL DON'T TRY IT - I'LL SMASH YOU FLAT! EVEN IF YOU DO MAKE IT YOU THINK THOSE DOORS WILL STAND UP TO THE CRASH BAR ON THIS THING? HUH?"
What is it with the people on this island? Why can't they just shut up and do their goddamn jobs? Why do they have to be as annoying and provoking as they can possibly be? Is there some sort of big cash prize for winning the "Biggest Asshole of the Edge"-comptetition? KK really wishes he had some kind of anti-tank missile weapon. But he doesn't move an inch.
"Fuck," swears Harvey in the back room. "Folks, just to let you know I do not consider myself a casualty, I'm sure I'll be fine."
Eugene sighs, waves to the guys in the armored ambulance, and, looking at Chris, shrugs his shoulders and puts his hands behind his head, careful not to touch his head wound. "They really ought to cut back on the caffeine ration they give these drivers."
Buttery opens the door and locks his hands behind his head. Eugene quickly follows suit. Ben, Leo, Chris, Ghishu, and Ingar all stare out from the interior of the bowling alley. KK continues to stand motionless in the parking lot. Harvey nurses his own injuries and keeps an eye on the pair trapped in the machinery. Calm decends, as though the moment were frozen in time.
"THIS IS YOUR LAST WARNING!" the bullhorn blares. "BRING YOUR WOUNDED TO THE REAR OF THE VEHICLE! REPEAT, TO THE REAR OF THE VEHICLE! AND HURRY UP, I HAVEN'T GOT ALL NIGHT!"
Dr. Bennett walks up to Chris. "You're going to need to find someone to take that machinery apart before you can get them out of there," she says. She looks out into the parking lot. "Doc Shokk? Good - you'll need him. Those two need to have their burns cleaned up - its a bit more than I'm equipped for, though I can handle the other guy and the kid there." She points towards Eugene, then looks towards KK. "I can also check that guy's nose out. Doesn't look too bad." She reaches up to run one finger around the sweatband of her ball cap without seeming to think much about it, and glances around at those staring out into the parking lot.
"Yeah, I was worried about Shokk too at first, but you get used to him. He seems hostile, but think about it for a moment. He drives that monster motor home ANYWHERE! He goes places in the Edge that I wouldn't dream of - Great Men, Four Points, the Brink, Traboc. And he has a mobile surgical unit in there that is probably worth a couple of million at least." She pulls the cap off and puts it back on her head.
"I've never known him to kill anyone yet, but you really ought to hurry - he probably has others waiting." She turns back to Chris. "Now about that machinery... anyone here know how to take it apart?"
Chris takes out the c-note waves it above his head and says, "Howdy! I'm the guy who called you! The patients are currently jammed into a pinsetter in the bowling alley! We are working on getting them out! If you have any suggestions I would appreciate them!"
But the individual that Chris is waving too is sitting in the cab of an armored RV. It's doubtful he can hear much that Chris is saying.
"BRING THAT TO THE BACK OF THE VEHICLE ALONG WITH THE WOUNDED!" the bullhorn says. "AND HURRY UP!"
Eugene, putting his brain to work, says to Chris, "I don't think he can hear you over his engine. You may have to talk to him face-to-face."
Goodness shakes his head. "I'd na recommend tha'," he comments. "He seems a bit jumpy. What aboot the P.A. system inside? If someone ken open the door an' turn the system up t' full, maybe we ken get 'im t' hear ye."
Chris keeps his hands up and moves to the back of the M.U.S.H. The walk across the parking lot seems to take forever, but at last Chris arrives at the back door of the RV. As he arrives it swings open, and he finds himself facing a large caucasian man dressed in surgical scrubs, complete with mask and gloves. The man seems to have some sort of wires trailing out of the back of his surgical dress, and is carrying a large bayonet in one hand. His eyes are bloodshot and red, but the bayonet is held rock steady.
Beyond him Chris can see that the interior of the vehicle has, indeed, been fitted out as some sort of surgical unit. There are two operating tables, and lots of equipment. One of the tables is occupied by an unconscious asian man with a surgical drape over his abdomen.
"Get in," snarls the doctor, waving the bayonet in a threatening manner. "Sit on the table over there and tell me where it hurts."
His bedside manner leaves a little to be desired.
Chris lays the hundred on the table and speaks rapidly to the Doctor. "Hi, I'm Chris, the guy who called you, there has been a slight change of plans."
Doc Shokk jerks slightly at this statement and his eyes narrow a bit.
Chris continues smoothly, "I thought you were going to work on our walking wounded and the other doc was going to work on the other two. Turns out it is the other way around. Thing is I need to get the other two out of the pinsetter first then I can bring them out here. So if you don't mind finishing up this fellow first I'll bring them out."
Doc stares suspiciously at Chris for a moment, then shrugs. "Don't screw around then. I haven't got all night. It isn't going to take more than another 45 minutes to deal with Mr. Complainer over there. Surgery is a flat $799.99, not including complications. Anesthesia is $200.00 extra. Cash only. And don't even THINK of messing with me. I've used tougher guys than you as anatomy cadavers. And even if you do manage to put one over on me, see these?" He gestures to the wires snaking out from under his surgical gown, "They monitor heart rate, blood pressure, brain activity, all that good stuff. There's enough C-4 molded into the frame to turn this entire block into a crater. Now get out, I'm busy."
"Right!" Chris hops out of the Sawbonesabago and heads back to the bowling
alley, he suddenly shouts "Christ!" and runs back through the doors, heads
for the main desk and turns OFF the lane where the two naked people are
jammed into the pinsetter. "Man oh man had the power gone back on........"
* * *
"Hey," says Goodness to Eugene as they loiter, blood draining from their arms. "Did ye say somethin' afore aboot some C&I casewairker wi' some soort o' speach impediment?"
Oh lovely, Eugene thinks to himself, now the same asshole who's been criticizing my every remark all night with an accent you could slice with a Claymore is now starting a conversation with me. Further proof that God either hates me or doesn't exist.
"Well, yeah, but it was more like there was some sort of chip in her head, or some shock collar on her that I couldn't see. Every time it seemed she was going to swear, she winced and yelped in pain. It was a little unsettling, but I'd already been through three days of starvation and being hunted by some unseen thing around the Terminal, so it didn't phase me all that much. She blamed it on menstrual cramps. Given what she put me through, I blame it on karma. Hey, do you really want to walk up to that van? I'd rather take my chances with the lady inside, personally."
"Hmmm," replies Goodness. "Aye, hmmm indeed. Did ye happen t' catch the lass' name?" He cranes his neck to see if he can catch any indication of movement at the back of the Care Tank.
"Seneca Li, I think. Yeah, that sounds about right."
At this point, Chris jumps out of the back of the RV and heads back for the diner. Goodness turns on his heel and follows Chris back inside before any loudspeaker voices tell him to freeze.
Eugene sees the Scotsman walk away, right in the frickin' middle
of the conversation, sighs, and walks to the Mobile Fortress o' Wellness,
hands still carefully behind his head, as no one told him otherwise about
the doctor inside being for bumps and the Healmobile Fromm Hell being for
the severely wounded.
"Excuse me," she says, "but do any of you know anything about machinery? We need to get those people out of there, and we need to take the machine apart to do it.."
Ben shrugs. "I don't know much about machinery but I'll take a look and help if I can," he offers.
He walks back to the pin setter in question and surveys the situation. He's got no tools, so he won't be able to disassemble it but if there's any way he can bend or break the damn thing in order to safely remove the trapped pair he'll do it.
Judicious bending and breaking may be helpful, but tools to take the thing apart are certainly the way to go. The thing looks complex in its operation, but not its construction. Ben is certain that with some wrenches, screwdrivers, and time he could get the thing apart, even if he probably couldn't put it back together again afterwards.
"I must say that I am not much of a mechanic, but I am pretty good at taking things apart, bending, breaking, that sort of stuff," Ingar offers cheerfully, relieved at the possibility that he could be useful. He has not got any tools either, but he and Ben ought to make a powerful pair.
Leo, still carrying the remains of Teddy now stuffed in a zipped bowling bag, looks baffled at the idea of taking the pinsetter apart. In fact, if he hadn't been told this is a pinsetter, he would never have guessed what this contraption is supposed to do, let alone figure out how to open it. However, he knows one mechanical genius...
He approaches Marda very carefully, hoping she hasn't been sedated beyond hopes of consciousness for now. "Marda, haney," he calls softly. "Marda, can you hear me? We need your help with the machine..."
To the others, he explains over his shoulder: "She's a little wiz with mechanical and electronic stuff. She could tell us how to do it and we'd take it apart on her instructions."
But in addition to her not inconsiderable physical trauma, Marda has been anesthetized by Dr. Bennett, and so is pretty woozy. The world looks very fuzzy and feels very cold to Marda when she is first roused from unconsciousness. Slowly, but steadily, the image in front of her fades to something familiar and comforting.
"Mr...Mr...Funny Clown?" she asks, attempting to ascertain her good luck and her surroundings. "Is it you?"
"Even if she can tell us what to do we'll still need some tools," says Ben. He turns towards Ingar. "There has to be some tools around here they use for maintenance. Help me look around. "
"Certainly. But perhaps we could ask Chris? I'll do it. Chris!... Oh well, he stepped outside, didn't he? I'll go look for him, if you don't mind."
Ingar heads towards the door, but before he reaches it, he sees Chris enter, and watches him run for the main desk.
Chris looks around. "Hey people, anyone interested in pitiching in to pay for the medical help of our naked friends there?"
Leo nods wearily. "I'll chip in, but I have to convert some traveler's cheques. Are you set up to handle those or do I need to go back to the bank? I saw Insty-Bank on the Plaza but I don't know how late they're open or whether they have power."
He turns back to Marda. "It's OK, honey, the big guys are going to rip the machine apart and let you out, then the doctors will fix you and Sam up. Can you tell us what happened to you?"
Since the Scotsman is currently broke, he takes out the wallet he boosted from his dead slave's pocket and checks it for cash. For the first time he notices that the I.D. doesn't belong to his slave at all. Interesting.
The wallet seems to be made of some sort of material that resembles leather, but isn't - quite. There is no ID within. However, there is a single business card.
Alien Oddities
2750 28th Avenue West
Great Men Barrio
The Edge, Al Amarja
There is no telephone number listed. Written on the back of the card in some sort of dark brown ink are the words "Come to The House. We need you."
Harvey shakes his head in a somewhat puzzled fashion. "Sorry folks, think I zoned out there for a while. Did I hear you say you need money for these folk's treatment? I can pay for it if they don't have insurance, which I guess being naked they probably don't have on them anyway. Can I help somehow? Could someone look at my head?"
"I would contribute with pleasure to the medical expenses," exclaims Ingar. "I am always happy to help HUMANS. Ah. I guess "people" would be a more fitting expression. I am always happy to help people. But as for helping them, you wouldn't happen to have any maintainance tools which could be used for taking the pinsetter apart?"
"Yeah, in the equipment room where the circut box is. All sorts of things."
"And where is the equipment room?"
"Ah, Ingar, the equipment room is along the access way behind the pin setters. In fact it is right close to where we need to be."
Chris then leads Ingar through the dark to where the room is. Deep within his psyche something is screaming.
Goodness follows Ingar, more because he needs something to do besides standing around than because he feels he can be any particular help. "Intairestin' day soo far, eh' Engar?" he asks as they plunge into darkness. "Engar? ENGAR!"
Ben is easily able to find the equipment room where the tools are, and he and Leo bring back an assortment of wrenches, screwdrivers, hammers, a heavy duty flashlight, and a hacksaw. Over the next half hour or so Ben, Chris, Ingar, and Buttery free first Marda and then Sam with a minimum of additional damage to the pair (although with somewhat gristly effects on the pinsetter - this aisle is going to be out of order for awhile).
Out in the parking lot Eugene trudges out as far as the back door of the RV. The door is closed, and he stands there for over a minute trying to decide how he can open it while keeping his hands on his head. After some deliberation something in the back of his mind suggests that now might be a good time to turn around and go back inside, so he does.
Noticing that Eugene manages to walk around in the parking lot without being crushed like an egg, KK takes the opportunity to sprint for the front doors behind Eugene. Despite one frozen instant of abject terror as an auxiliary generator on the RV chooses just that moment to kick in, he manages to get inside without provoking further reaction, and breathes a sigh of relief.
Inside Dr. Bennett sets up shop in the snack bar, and spends some time treating the damaged noggins of Harvey and Eugene.. Both of them wind up with a couple of stitches apiece and a very impressive bandage on their heads, and Harvey has to endure some rather protracted probing as Dr. Bennett removes several small shards of glass from his scalp. The process is, however, somewhat alleviated by some local anesthetic that allows both some relief from the trip hammers that have been going off in their heads.
After much diligent work the group in the back finally bring Sam and Marda out of the back, where Dr Bennet examines them once again. "Nothing seems to be broken - take 'em out to Shokk. He should get them cleaned up."
As the party prepares to do so, a car with the logo of Kanga Burger emblazoned upon its roof pulls up with Chris's delivery of sandwiches. Those who wish to do so may partake of food. There are even some "special" items for Ingar. Soon afterwards the power comes back on in the neighborhood.
It takes Doc Shokk about two hours to fix up Marda and Sam. Marda is easiest, and her burns are debrided, cleaned, and bandaged with great skill and speed. Sam's stab wounds require a bit more work - a couple are deep enough to require some exploratory surgery to assure that they have not nicked anything important (lungs, spleen, etc.) but again Doc Shokk deals with them with a great deal of speed and skill. This does make Sam's treatment a bit more expensive than that of Marda, coming to a grand total of $2,515.41 including the installation of a drain in his chest. Since its their first visit, Doc Shokk throws in complimentary hospital gowns, the regulation two sizes too small and nauseating green, for free. Once the pair have been offloaded the winnebago roars out of the parking lot like a B-17 off to bomb Berlin. Dr Bennett looks over Doc Shokk's work, nods with approval, writes out prescriptions for some antibiotics and painkillers, then digs a copy of In the Absence of Alexander: Harpalus and the Failure of of Macedonian Authority out of her backpack, and sits down in the snack bar to read until the party gets around to discussing payment with her.
It is now around 11:00 pm at night. Everyone has been fed. Sam and Marda are finally waking up, though they feel like hell.
As action winds down in the bowling alley and everyone is just sitting
down for a few moments to finally discuss business, when every toilet in
the men's room suddenly flushes. The fact that nobody is in there
at the moment does give various people pause.
To Be Continued...