Burger Reunion

Kuan Tun's Black Belt Academy

"Norbert," she calls, "I need you to translate for...  oh,"  she looks from Norbert to Kitty to Leo, and raises one eyebrow, sighing theatrically.

"I head off to work, and come back to find my husband fooling around with another woman."  She 'tsks' a couple of times, clearly in fun,  then walks around the dojo mats to stand near Leo near the counter.  Yes, she is most certainly carrying a large toad.

On the mat, Kitty tries to catch her breath.  She doesn't get up quite yet - Norbert really did connect hard, and the wind is thoroughly knocked out of her.  She'll be sort of numb in the diaphragm for a couple of hours, and sore there tomorrow, but other than that she's ok.

Thinking of Norbert - he's GOOD.  Kitty isn't sure, but she thinks he might have been holding back a bit in the competition.  Kitty has studied martial arts extensively, but this guy is phenomenal.  Kitty could identify moves from at least six different martial arts styles and there were a lot she had to counter on instinct because she didn't know them at all.  He was most certainly wielding the crescent wrenches in a modified nito kenjutsu style, for example.  The last flying elbow smash was beautifully executed, pulled to perfection, and most likely thought up and put into effect AFTER Kitty whacked him upside the head.  Had he gone full out with the intent of harming her, she would probably have a couple of ruptured internal organs right now, or perhaps broken ribs.  He also isn't afraid to be hit - he could have cut short his follow-through on the leg sweep and ducked, but saw it coming and chose to take the hit in exchange for making absolutely certain he put Kitty on the mat.

Still lying on the floor and feeling as if she was ran over by a freight train, she comments with a half whisper "Sorry, Leo, pay up."  She looks up at Norbert.  "So, tell me," she takes ragged breath, "when do you open so I *wheeze* can show up on time?"

Kitty closes her eyes and concentrates on her breathing pattern, while holding onto her sides.  Breath in through the nose hold 1,2,3 out through the mouth hold 123, in through the nose...  The pattern on her face begins to fade and, noticing a woman has come into the room, she sticks her hands in her pockets.

Leo looks down at the money on the counter, shrugs, then grins at Hop Sing.  "Good show anyway," he says, philosophical.  He approaches Kitty and drops to one knee to get a good look at her.  In his professional life, he has seen his good share of falls, bruises, sprained ankles, strained muscles, torn ligaments...  He looks at his friend carefully, making sure nothing seems dislocated or fractured.  "You alright?" he asks gently.  He offers his arm for support when she is good and ready to try getting up.  "You were gr-r-r-r-reat!" he says with Tony the Tiger's voice, winking.  He adds more seriously: "I'm sorry if I offended you by betting, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.  Congratulations on getting the job!"

Winking and patting him on the leg, Kitty wheezes, "Next time, just let me know what the deal is.  I'm glad that I got the job," she breathes heavily, "but I even more glad he didn't use all his skills."  She concentrates on exhaling for a moment.  "I would have been dead."  Laughing slightly, she raises her finger to tell Leo to come closer.  "Leo, you must not tell anyone what happened here.  My life depends on it."

Leo's eye widen and his smile disappears.  He nods once, very slowly, looking at Kitty intently.  "I understand," he says in a low voice.  "Or rather, I understand I have to mind my own business."  He lowers his voice yet more, and adds: "What about...?" he glances sideways towards Norbert, then looks around to check if anyone else, besides the cricket and the mantis, might have noticed Kitty's hands.

As Leo glances up he notices that Norbert is rehanging the crescent wrenches on the wall.  Just as he starts to hang them up, the front door opens and a man neither Kitty nor Leo have ever seen before enters, followed by Ghishu and Bruce!

Norbert turns after hanging up the wrenches.  "May I help you?" he asks

Ghishu, after giving a customary bow to the man which he recognizes as probably being the master of this institution, greets him.  "Good day to you, sir."  He then continues, "We're here looking for our friends," pointing to Kitty and Leo on the mat, "and for a tutoring position in your school".

Looking at the man's torn suit and bleeding scratches, and then at Kitty's bleeding nose, he starts to understand what had just happened here.  Not wanting to break his conversation with the man, he send an 'are you ok?'
look to Kitty.

Smiling to herself, Kitty drags herself off the floor and begins to look for cuts and bruises.  While watching Manny, Moe and Jack walk through the door, she wonders who has joined the band wagon?

Once Kitty is up and he is sure she doesn't have anything worse than cuts and bruises, Leo unfolds to his full height.  He waves to Bruce and Ghishu, then nods politely at the unknown man accompanying them.  "Hello, guys," he welcomes them, "glad to see you made it after all.  Ghishu, I wish you good luck with the job interview (assuming you get one)."

He eyes the mantis and the cricket on the counter and shakes his head.  "I already dropped as much cash as I'm going to," he warns the mantis.  "At least until I get a job of my own!"

The man groans, "Not another one!  Come back tomorrow!  Paint fences!  Scrub the floor!  Carry really heavy water buckets from the Brink!  Stand on one leg on a piling with your arms over your head for a month!  Meditate on your chi!  Do some of that apprentice shit!"  The man waves his hands wildly in the air.  "Haven't you ever seen 'Karate Kid'?"  He pauses for a moment in thought.  "But don't let me catch you coming back here dressed in a cape, a domino mask, and spandex tights, telling me that you are an orphan trained in a circus and want to devote your life to fighting crime or crap like that - I'm not that kind of a guy!"  He waggles a finger at Ghishu.  "If you really want to prove yourself worthy, challenge my champion to a duel to the death or something," he hooks a thumb in Kitty's direction."Uf da, what a day!"  The accent is definitely Wisconsin.

He walks over to the woman in the lab coat with the toad.  The toad begins making deep, rumbling croaks.  The man says, "Better, but the left knee still hurts and he has a vague nausea."

"OK honey, thanks - maybe we'll try a shiatsu massage," the woman replies, giving him a quick peck on the cheek and heading for the back door of the dojo.

Kitty yelps up.  "No! No!  Don't challenge me to anything!  Maybe tomorrow!  I'm sore enough as it is."  She looks over to the frog.  "Alternative Animal Medicine!  How long has that been going on?"

"About three thousand years," the woman replies over her shoulder, then pauses.  "In China," she adds.

"Have no fear miss Kitty", Ghishu quickly replies, "I have no such intentions. It is obvious that I am not meant to tutor here.  You see, I bumped into Ben on my way to meet you and so I was late.  As a result you arrived here before me to get the tutoring position.  One might see that it is clear it was supposed to be you and not me who will teach in this institution".

After Ghishu takes a better look at Kitty, he says, "You look like you've been through some ordeal here."  He then reaches into his pocket and takes out a small transparent plastic bag with some sort of strange yellow herbs.  Handing it to Kitty he says, "Makitoo roots.  Mix with one cup of hot water and drink. It will make you feel better."

Returning the bag to Ghishu, Kitty shakes her head.  "Thank you but I don't know what it is, so I kinda don't want to put it into my body," smirking slightly.

"Stoicism," smirks the man in the ruined exercise suit, walking over to Kitty, "is a great cover."  He examines Kitty with a critical eye.  "Be here at 9:00 am tomorrow and we'll take you through the classes.  Sometimes you'll need to work nights.  The pay is around $24,000 a year, but medical and dental are your own problem.  There may be a periodic need to do some physical security work here in the building, but I think you can handle that."

He turns to Ghishu, and no longer appears amused.  "Now dome boy, you wanna go two falls outta three, or do you just want to crawl outta here with your tail between your legs like a whipped puppy?  I didn't get a chance to practice my capoeira on your friend here and its bad karma to let that sort of yang energy float around in your system unsupervised."

Taking a second look at the torn suit and bleeding scratches on the man and then on Kitty's bruises and broken nose, Ghishu thinks to himself that if this is the way the manager here greets new workers, working here should prove interesting.

"Two out of three it is," Ghishu replies to the man in the torn suit.  He then takes off his shoes and starts heading towards the mat.

Kitty comments, "Keep him away from the weapons on the wall."  She slumps her behind into a chair and tilts her head back to stop her nose from bleeding.

"Now that's more like it," Norbert says.  He ducks back through the door that the woman just went through with the toad, and emerges a moment later with a large portable CD player, just in time to hear Kitty's comment about the weapons on the wall.

"You should talk," he mutters.
Setting the tape deck down in one corner he flicks it on.  As the beginning of "Toda Forma de Poder"¹ come out of the speakers he does a tuck and roll, coming up in a handstand.  "Ready when you are, CB" he comments, then begins what for all the world appears to be a break dance as the song takes off.

Kitty laughs at Norbert's comment playfully.  "Shhhhhh, I thought all martial artists were suppose to be deadly weapons.  Ok, I'll be here at 8:45am."   She then looks up at Ben and then back to Ghishu getting ready for his dance with history.

Leo turns to the unknown man.  "Ben, is it?  I'm Leo Barbeau, and this lady is Kaila McCombe."  He offers his hand.

It's apparent that Ben doesn't quite know what to make of Leo.  His brow furrows as he looks the tall man up and down. Finally, he reaches out to take the offered hand. "Ben Crutcher," he says simply.

Ben is a large man, a couple of inches shorter than Leo but weighing in at around 260 lbs.  His eyes are grey and his black hair cut short.  Clean shaven, he wears an almost permanent scowl.  His nose is bent slightly out of shape, an obvious product of having been broken a few times.  He's wearing jeans and a sturdy looking black jacket with, what appears to be, a bullet hole through the left shoulder.  He also has on a pair of large boots, perfect for stomping on things.

Leo shakes Ben's hand, then turns back to watch Ghishu's job interview.  "He's really good," he murmurs to his companion.  "Him and Kitty had three rounds like I 've never seen, even in a movie.  Ghishu will have to be creative to come up with something more spectacular than that!  Oh, and Hop Sing will probably be willing to take any small bets you want place, since he'll be covering them with MY money!"  He jabs his thumb in the direction of the mantis, grinning his Leo grin.
 

Ghishu's Turn on the Mat

Norbert, continuing his break dance, waves a hand (apparently signaling that he is ready) and Ghichu drops into a stance.

Ten seconds go by.  Ghishu maintains his stance, Norbert continues to break dance without making any effort to move towards Ghishu.

Kitty yells out, "Watch him, Ghishu!"

"Hey," yells Norbert, rolling up into a brief handstand and then back down again, "Who pays your salary anyway?"

"You do, of course!" yells Kitty...  "Nice dancing, by the way."

Ghishu is a bit amused by Norbert's dance, but not enough in order for it to show. He uses the time to try and study Norbert's movements and capabilities - his strength, agility, balance, flow of movement, etc.

He's fluid.  He's incredibly lithe - his joints bend a lot.  He's strong.  He's quite agile - possibly even more so than Ghishu.  His balance is apparently perfect.  His moves are unbroken, no hesitation, like water in a stream.  The ability is there - the only question is the training and experience.

Norbert is good.  Norbert is very, very good.

"Is this a fight or a dance?" yells Ben impatiently. "Get on with it!"

Norbert does a turtle, rolls it up into an elbow spin, then drops down into windmill.   "I already have a job," he replies to Ben, as if that answers his statement

Leo watches Norbert's handstands, jumps and stretches with professional interest, and nods with approval.  He soon starts tapping a foot and swaying slightly with the music, still watching for the opening moves of this unusual match.

Another ten seconds pass.  Norbert continues to dance, and makes no move to attack Ghishu.  And that's another ten seconds that Ghishu spends studying Norbert.  Instead of losing his temper, Ghishu looks like he is actually enjoying himself - like an apprentice looking at his master.  A fine tuned martial artist is always a good show.

"Ghishu," advises Kitty, "if you want a job, I think you're going to have to make the first move," she says from her seated position.  "Bite the bullet!  Be self-assured of yourself..."

Bruce wanders over to where Leo and Kitty are and mumbles, "What the bloody 'ell is going on he-a?"  Looking at Kitty trying to stop her nose bleed, he says "Ice will 'elp that.   Is there someone he-a othe-a than the spinnin' bloke that can get some?  Like 'ow 'bout that toad lady?"

Knowing that a nose bleed usually stops after about ten minutes of pressure, Kitty looks at Bruce.  "Ah, it would be smart to be respectful to the madam of the house, I'll be fine anyways.  It will ****...  oh, I mean mess up my sense of smell for a while, but I'll be fine."  Kaila wears a shocked look on her face since that has been the first curse word out of her mouth for ages.

She adds in a wisper to Leo and Bruce, "Norbert is either extremely bored or waiting for Ghishu to make the first move.  Though Ghishu shouldn't let his guard down, because Norbert is good...  I mean real good."

Bruce opens his eyes in surprise at the obscenity from Kitty, almost as if he has never seen such a thing before from a woman.  After the initial shock has worn off, Bruce says "Crikey!  Seems this place brings out the worst in folks!" and rubs his side where his new scar lies.  "Well, if ya want ice, I'll get ya some."  Leaning in close, he asks quietly "So, the toad lady is pretty tough?  Fightn' with knives or other sha-ap bits is not my style anymo-a!"  Looking at the dancing going on he asks "Are they getting scored or somethin'?"

A full two minutes pass with little activity within the dojo.  Engenheiros Do Hawaii takes it to the bridge and Norbert continues his gyrations while Ghishu maintains his defensive posture and watches.  Toad Lady returns after an absence of around half a minute with a bag of ice for Kitty, then stands with the group watching Norbert dance, a slight smile on her face.

At last, just when Leo is beginning to forget that he's watching a match and starting to wonder how much lessons cost, while Kitty is noticing that the nosebleed is slowing down, while Bruce is pondering how long he has to stand here and watch before it is socially acceptable to go out for a beer, while Ben is fighting a losing battle to keep from screaming at Ghishu to just get on with it damnit!, while Toad Lady is considering going back to her charge, while Hop Sing waits impatiently for Leo to go get those bugs...  Ghishu explodes into movement!

The attack  is  swift and decisive striving to take Norbert by surprise. A roll and then a low hit to the hands while Norbert is standing on them during a transition from a windmill to a 1990 causes Norbert to teeter over, but Norbert shoves off with his remaining hand as he falls, whips his legs under him on the way down and lands (barely) on one foot, with the other leg extended to snag Ghishu's trailing leg as he comes up from his roll.  Ghishu wobbles and comes close to saving himself, but his center of balance is just on the far side of unsavable.  Down he goes, though he is able to twist to make a perfect landing, slapping the mat hard with both arms to absorb the impact.

Norbert meanwhile is now up and in a guard position, swaying slightly to the music.

Hop Sing makes ratchety noises.

"He already said 'no'," says Norbert, who then cocks an eye at Ghishu (who has, by this time, regained his feet as well).  "Ninjutsu?" he asks pleasantly.

Toad Woman frowns slightly.

Kaila thanks Nobert's wife for the ice and mutters "Dang, they're both good..."

Toad Lady glances in Kitty's direction.  "Norbert isn't good - he's the best," she comments.  "You had best hope he is in a good mood - he doesn't usually like ninjas.  How's your nose?"

"Yes, Norbert kicked my butt..." comments Kitty.  "I was mostly commenting on...  Ninja?  hmmm, ok... ah...  Oh, the nose is fine, thank you again."  Kaila looks at the dojo mat and at Ghishu with a raised eyebrow, and in a low voice repeats herself.  "Fine... just fine."  She then looks up to Leo.  "Um, do you think we should pay the fare since this might be a while?"

"Ah, um..."  Leo has trouble tearing his eyes away from the action on the floor.  "Uh..."  He finally turns towards Kitty, reluctantly.  "The fare?  Oh...  Well, we knew it was going to be an all-afternoon affair, but if you want..."  He takes a couple of vague shuffling steps towards the door, but pauses again to watch the bout.

Kitty walks over to where Leo stops and pats him on the shoulder patiently, knowing that he is enthralled with the action going on on the mat.  "We can catch another one, I'll get this one."  She pulls a 20 dollar bill out of her pocket and walks out the door.  "No, Hop Sing, this is not for you."

Leo suddenly realises he's being rude to Kitty, who's just been pretty banged up.  "No, no, it's all right, I got it!" he exclaims.  He scrambles to overtake her, and runs to the Dodge Dart taxicab to pay the driver.

Rolling her eyes in bewilderment and wondering what has gotten into him, Kitty sits back on the bench.  "Leo, don't let her talk you into paying $40!"

Upon stepping outside, Leo notices that there are now two taxis waiting - the second is an old Ford Thunderbird which has pulled up beside the Dart (blocking traffic).  The drivers appear to be chatting amiably.

The circus artist looks at his watch, trying to remember exactly how long it's been since they originally hired the cabbie.  "If you want me to wait I charge $20.00 an hour - you go for an hour and one minute, you owe me $40.00," she said.  Well, it can't have been more than... twenty or thirty minutes?

Leo approaches the Asian cabbie, engrossed in conversation with her colleagues.  "Pardon me, ma'am," he says politely, bracing himself for possible abuse for interrupting the chat.  "I think we're going to be here for a while more, so we figured we'd better pay you and catch another cab later.  Thank you very much for waiting."  He offers two crumpled ten dollar bills, and adds a couple of ones for tip.

The cabbie takes the two tens, but looks at the tip as though it were a poisonous spider.  "No tip!" she says loudly, then repeats - apparently for emphasis, while waving her hands in the air "No tip!"  To further prove her point she spits with amazing accuracy on the bills, hitting paper but not Leo's hands.

Leo frowns, staring at the gob of sputum on the bill, then raises and eyebrow and looks back at the cabbie.  The expression looks fairly out of place on Leo's usually carefree face.  "Is there a problem?" he asks.  "What have I done that deserves that kind of treatment?"

The cabbie looks at Leo with puzzlement.  "No tip!" she repeats, waving her hands and speaking loudly.

Leo finally shrugs, repeating to himself: "It's Al Amarja, deal with it..."  He wipes the bills on a crumpled tissue and puts them back in his pocket.

As Leo turns to reenter the dojo the cabbie shrugs and goes back to her conversation.
 

Round Two...

He then realizes that the toad lady meant no harm with her remarks and assumes an apologetic look.  "I just had to put things right."  Ghishu then bows to Norbert and resumes his posture.

During Ghishu's explanation, Norbert continues to hold his defensive stance, still swaying slightly to the music.  "Who says I'm not a Yak?" he asks, once Ghishu is finished.

The cricket makes some crickety noises, all but drowned out as Engenheiros Do Hawaii go into their final verse.  Norbert seems to hear it however.  "Shut up," he says.

The next 30 seconds remind the watching Burger of the first two minutes or so of the fight.  Norbert holds on the defensive, Ghishu studies him.  Norbert has a slight grin on his face.  Ghishu appears stoic.

Just as Engenheiros Do Hawaii is winding down, Norbert executes a one-handed back walkover away from Ghishu.  Landing behind the portable stereo on one foot, the other reaches out and taps the "off" button.  Still watching Ghishu Norbert bows, breaks stance, and sits on the mat.  He assumes the position of the teaching buddha (which position seems particularly unsuited for his rather wiry frame).

Those more combat conscious in the party notice that he has placed the stereo between himself and Ghishu.

"'Toda Forma de Poder' is three minutes and eleven seconds long.  Were this a real life situation instead of a formal dojo, you would be in what Sun Tzu once called 'a real shitload of trouble, you betcha!'.  I have now had time to summon reinforcements.  Mavis?"

Toad Lady smiles and reaches into her white lab coat, removing two butterfly knives (which she places on the counter), followed by a half-dozen shuriken (which she likewise places on the counter).

Norbert continues, "the thing that many people, including many masters, fail to grasp is that the dojo IS a real -life situation.  Ask your friend," he extends one hand to point at Ben, "HE knows."

Norbert unfolds.  "Al Amarja will do you good," he says.  Turning to Kitty, "Take tomorrow off.  I sure as hell am going to.  Be here Monday at 9:00 am."  He looks at Leo then nods in the direction of the money on the counter (now somewhat buried under martial arts cutlery).  "Pick up the bugs at Instapet and have your friend bring 'em in on Monday."

Mavis starts picking up her weapons and replacing them inside the lab coat.

"You know, reinforcement works for both sides."  Ghishu says to Norbert, pointing at Ben and Kitty.  "It's just a matter of perspective."  Breaking his stance and bowing to Norbert, he continues.  "And you are correct.  Real life and the dojo are one.  You learn as much out in the real world as you do in the dojo and you experience as much in the dojo as you experience in the real life."

"Ha!" Norbert comments with a smile,  "She works for me now, remember?  I have every confidence that she can keep your hulking friend busy while my darling wife and I reduce you to sashimi."

Toad Lady smiles and blows Norbert a kiss.  Norbert again raises his hand to the teaching position, though he refrains from sitting down again.

"Young Cain, you see only the illusion, not the substance.  You have misjudged the situation, and your tactical blunder has led to your downfall."  Norbert does his best Pat Norita accent (which sounds horrible, mixed as it is with Wisconsinese).

"A defensive attitude is proper and appropriate when you only wish to defend.  Study of one's opponent is proper and appropriate if you have the leisure for it."

Norbert begins doing batidos as he speaks.  "Your situation was not one of defense.  I have something that you want - a job.  I announced in advance that I would be playing at Capoeira - a primarily defensive art.  This alone should have warned you that the burden of attack was on you."

Norbert moves into a handstand, which he holds as he continues.  "Studying your opponent is of great benefit, but it only works when your opponent has no  opportunity to study you as well.  Do you think that I can learn nothing because you choose not to fight?  Do you think that you can learn my weaknesses from watching the moves I want you to see?"

Norbert shifts into a shaolin headstand and crosses his arms across his chest (for those of you who don't know a shaolin headstand is one in which you balance on the top of your head, using no arms for support).  "You did not know of my time limit.  Do you think that your opponent will dictate the rules of a conflict to you?"

Norbert holds the headstand a moment longer, then simply topples over backwards, slamming into the mat with a ferocious "HAI!"  then lies silent for a few seconds.  "If your friend in the cheap Italian suit is what he looks like, rather than just a burger wearing a costume for a party, he can tell you where you went wrong.  Perhaps you should listen to him, instead of me."

Norbert rolls over and looks at Ben, propping his head up on his elbows.  "Tell him." Norbert says earnestly, " Maybe he'll listen to you.  This place will eat him alive otherwise."

"He's right," says Ben. "You screwed up, kid.  I don't know what the hell you were waitin' for.  Ya came all the way across town to show this guy what ya had and then decided to have a starin' contest instead.  If you weren't ready to fight, you shouldn't have steped onto the mat."

Looking over to Ghishu, Kitty comments, "He's right, I do work for him now," and gives a smile much like Mona Lisa did, thinking that she also has a lot to learn and it's going to be fun learning it.  She bows to Norbert and his wife.  "Yes, I will be here at 8:50am".
 
 

To Be Continued...

For those of you who might be interested in information on capoeira, check out The Chimp's Capoeira page  -- Lots of great pictures (and for the language impaired - yes, it's in english).

For more capoeira music, go to http://fire.he.net/~capoeira/audio/meu_amor_me_deixo.ram

For info on break dancing visit http://www.bboy.com/ or http://www.geocities.com/Baja/Dunes/6616/  (takes a long time to load, but a SWEET site).