Fish Heads
The Oni Song
Rulin' Your Life
Brave Hotei-san
Let 'Em Bleed
When Dove Cries
Black Pajamas
Togashi Yokuni
Mr. Shosuro
Do You Love Me?
Bushido
The Very Model of A Wealthy Crane-Type Daimyo
By Edmund, to the tune of, well, Barnes & Barnes' "Fish Heads."
Fish heads, fish heads,
Rolly-polly fish heads!
Fish heads, fish heads,
Honor loss, yum!Took a fish head
Out to see kabuki
Didn't have to pay to
Get him in!
By Edmund, to the tune of the children's song "I'm Bringing Home a Baby Bumblebee."
I'm bringing home
A great big bad oni
Won't the Emp'ror
Be so proud of me!
By Edmund, to the tune of the BeeGees' "Staying Alive."
Well you can tell by the way I wear two swords
I'm a samurai, we're all feudal lords
I do my katas every morn'
Been a samurai since I was bornBut it's all right, it's OK
I hack and slash most every day
The peasants just don't understand
In Rokugan I rule them, man!Whether you're an eta or a merchant selling geta
I'm a-rulin' your life, rulin' your life
Ah, ah, ah, ah
Rulin' your life, rulin' your life
Ah, ah, ah, ah
Rulin' your liiiiiiiiiiiiiiife
By Edmund, to the tune of Monty Python's "Brave Sir Robin."
"Bravely bold Hotei-san
Rode forth from Kyuden Bayushi
He was not afraid to die
Bravely brave Hotei-san
He was not in the least bit scared
to be killed in Lion ways.
Brave, brave, brave, brave Hotei-sanHe was not in the least bit scared to be hacked by Lion swords
Or to have his eyes gouged out by flying Lion arrows
To have his kneecaps split by many blows from a tetsubo
And his limbs chopped off and mangled, brave Hotei-sanHis head lopped off and his heart cut out
and his topknot shaved and his bowels unwound
and his kimono soiled and his ribcage crushed
and his pe...""That's ENOUGH, Amakuchi! STOP SINGING!"
By Edmund, to the tune of Vaughn Monroe's "Let it Snow."
Oh our evil, dark lord is spiteful
But the power is so delightful
So until our Lord Moon is freed
Let 'em bleed, let 'em bleed, let 'em bleed
Oh I don't think that I'll be stopping
Though the altar needs a mopping
For the sake of our evil creed,
Let 'em bleed, let 'em bleed, let 'em bleedWhen we meet in the dead of night
All the cultists, we visit and chat
Though our taint the whole land we'll blight
We still like to sit and chew the fat
Oh the peasant is slowly dying
And the hemoglobin's flying
So we repeat our awful deed
Let 'em bleed, let 'em bleed, let 'em bleed
Let 'em bleed, let 'em bleed, let 'em bleed
Let 'em bleed, let 'em bleed, let 'em bleed
By Edmund, to the tune of (the self-important twit formerly known as) Prince's "When Doves Cry."
See if u will the picture
Of Fu Leng in his horrid abyss
The reek of his taint it covers me
Can u Midori
Can u picture this?Dream if u can of an oni
As big and as wide as a room
Samurai lie in curious poses
Souls sucked away
I fear mine will be tooNow in a nursery I'm standing
Just guarding a little brat (a brat)
The job isn't really demanding
I get good pay, I cannot complain 'bout that
Sometimes I feel like the mother
But Scorpions all tell lies
Maybe this kid I should smother
This is what it sounds like
When Dove criesThey say that this kid's something special
She seems pretty normal to me
The nursemaid she feeds and she bathes her
Puts her to bed
And changes her clothes when she pees.How can this be where I'm working?
Alone in a baby's room? (a baby's room)
I've never seen killers a' lurking
This place is as dull as a tomb
Maybe I should tell her mother
about when she gurgles and flies
I should dump this job for another
This is what it sounds like
When Dove criesOnce I killed oni for money
Now I just gurgle and coo (and coo)
I guess sometimes life is just funny (Guess, guess, it's those maternal instincts)
Maternal instincts, they can catch up with you (can catch up with you)
I sit in a Scorpion nursery (I sit in a Scorpion nursery)
Though I'm not so sure that its wise (It prob'ly isn't wise)
I'm nearing my first anniversary (Why am I still here, why?)
This is what it sounds likeWhen Dove cries
When Dove cries (Dove cries, Dove cries)
When Dove cries (Dove cries, Dove cries)Don't Cry (Don't Cry)
When Dove cries
When Dove cries
When Dove criesWhen Dove cries (Dove cries, Dove cries)
Don't cry
Midori don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't don't cry (you little brat)
By Bryan, to the tune of Black Sabbath's, uh, "Black Sabbath."
What is this that plagues our minds?
Figures in black we cannot find?
Run around quick out on patrol!
Try to find out who's in control! Oh no!Tattooed shapes put out the fires!
Scaring people: their desire!
No-Nose sitting there, he's smiling!
Watches the flames get higher and higher!
Oh no, no no, Kami help me!Is it witchcraft my friends?
Is Fu Leng coming 'round the bend?
People won't talk cause they're scared...
Just wait till ronin tells them, "Hi there!"
No! No! Please, Amakuchi-sama, no!!
By Ken, to the tune (more or less) of the theme to "SpongeBob SquarePants."
Sensei: Are ya ready kids?
Students: Hai, Hai, Sensei
Sensei: I can't hear you!
Students: HAI, HAI, Sensei!
Sensei: Ohhhh...... Who lives in a castle on top of a cloud?
Students: (Togashi Yokuni!)
Sensei: Fluorescent and Mysterious and Green is he!
Students: (Togashi Yokuni!)
Sensei: If Shinsei nonsense be something you wish,
Students: (Togashi Yokuni!)
Sensei: Then drop on your knees, and pray for bliss!
Students: (Togashi Yokuni!)
Sensei: Ready?
All: Togashi Yokuni, Togashi Yokuni, Togashi Yokuni!!!
Sensei: Togashi................. Yokuni!
By Sophie, to the tune of Styx's "Mr. Roboto."
Domo arigato, Mr. Akodo,
My daimyo is a Shadow
Domo arigato, dear Mirumoto,
Hametsu wants me to dieYou're wondering who I am - Scorpion or true ronin
Wandering through Rokkugan, I am a dangerous manI've got a secret I've been hiding under my mask
My heart is Scorpion, I have no daisho, my mon is hidden
So if you see me acting strangely, don't be surprised
I'm just a man who needed a job, and somewhere to hide
To keep me alive - just keep me alive
Somewhere to hide to keep me aliveMy shadow-brand is causing me headaches - I'm not what you see
I don't care about all your problems, Ryoko Owari
I'm not a ronin, I'm not a merchant, forget what you know
I'm just a man whose family daimyo went beyond his control
Beyond my control - my rotten daimyo
Hametsu-san - my rotten daimyoI am a Shosuro, who hides behind a mask
So no one else can see my true identityDomo arigato, putrescent daimyo, domo... domo
Domo arigato, Soshi Bantaro, domo... domo
Domo arigato, Shosuro Jocho, domo... domo
Thank you very much, Yogo Asako
For doing the jobs that nobody wants to
And thank you very much, Soshi Yumiko
For helping me dress up just when I needed to
Thank you - thank you, thank you
I want to thank you, please, thank youThe problem's plain to see: too much Crane poetry
Can't rhyme to save their lives - Our work they demonize.The time has come at last
To throw away this mask
So everyone can see
My true identity...
I'm Kando! Kando! Kando! Kando!
Edmund's adaptation of the song of the same name from the musical "Fiddler On the Roof" (known in Ryoko Owari as "Ninja On the Roof.")
Kando: Do you love me?
Yumiko: Do I what?
Kando: Do you love me?
Yumiko: Do I love you?
With one daughter needing bodyguards
and the other on the run
Your shadowbrand is paining you
And your daimyo's no fun
You're suffering from depression...Kando: Yumi-chan I'm asking you a question!!
Do you love me?Yumiko: You're tainted!
Kando: I know, but do you love me?
Yumiko: Do I love you?
I followed you to this stupid town,
Fought with oni, cleaned your house,
given you children, (well, one and a half)
After all we've been through, why talk about love right now?Kando: Yumiko, The first time I met you
was at Winter Court.
I was scaredYumiko: I felt fine
Kando: My daimyo was tainted
Yumiko: So was mine!
Kando: But Hametsu and Bantaro
said we'd get married tomorrow.
So now I'm asking Yumko-chan,
Do you love me?Yumiko: I'm your wife!
Kando: I know! But do you love me?
Yumiko: Do I love him?
For all these years I've schemed with him
Cast spells for him, bled with him.
All these years my clothes are his.
If that's not love what is?Kando: Then you love me?
Yumiko: I suppose I do.
Kando: And I suppose I love you too.
Both: We're still headed for Jigokku, but even so,
after all these years
It's nice to know!
And Bryan joins in with his version of "Tradition," also from "Ninja On the Roof."
[Akodo Atama]
Bushido, Bushido! Bushido!
Bushido, Bushido! Bushido![Atama and the Lion Clan]
Who, day and night, must maintain perfect honor,
Serve his clan and Emperor, slay his enemies?
And who has the right, as masters of strategy,
To hold the respect of the Emperor?The Lion! The Lion! Bushido!
The Lion! The Lion! Bushido![Kando and the Scorpion Clan]
Who know the ways to manipulate people,
In quiet ways, in sneaky ways?
Who must keep the secrets, act so stealthy,
So that we can take over the Empire?The Scorpion! The Scorpion! Bushido!
The Scorpion! The Scorpion! Bushido![Little Lion child]
At three, I started Bushi school. At twelve I had gempukku.
I hear they picked a bride for me. I hope she's honorable.The Lion! The Lion! Bushido!
The Lion! The Lion! Bushido![Little Scorpion child]
And who does Mama teach shugenja skills to,
Preparing me for power and glory?The Scorpion! The Scorpion! Bushido!
The Scorpion! The Scorpion! Bushido!
Edmund, still pillaging musicals, now rips off Gilbert and Sullivan's "Model of Modern Major-General."
REI:
I am the very model of a wealthy Crane-type Daimyo,
I've visited the Emperor's court, there's no one there I do not know,
I know my genealogy, I've tons of friends who give me stuff
Whenever I go out to shop, of koku I have quite enough;
I'm gentle and I'm genteel and I'm never ever crude or gruff,
I carry a Kakita blade, its saya I would never scuff
All the urchins love me, and they tell me all the local news
My clan it is adored by all, we always win, we never lose.MAGISTRATES:
Her clan it is adored by all, they always win, they never lose.
Her clan it is adored by all, they always win, they never lose.
Her clan it is adored by all, they always win, they never lose.REI:
I'm very good at poetry and difficult kenjutsu duels;
If anyone can better me my clan will simply change the rules:
I've visited the Emperor's court, there's no one there I do not know,
I am the very model of a wealthy Crane-type Daimyo.MAGISTRATES:
She's visited the Emperor's court, there's no one there she does not know,
She is the very model of a wealthy Crane-type Daimyo.REI:
I know our clan's great history, Kakita's and those other guys;
I know the ways of makeup, and of complicated obi ties.
When speaking at a party I can talk at length of Shinsei lore
I'm really quite good looking, I have suitors flocking by the score;
I paint, I hawk, I write, I sing, I do most any "High Skill" things
I am the greatest courtier of all within the Legend of Five Rings
I do a mean court fan dance, too, the classic's I've all read
And if you dare make fun of me, my clan will have your head.MAGISTRATES:
And if you dare make fun of her, her clan will have your head.
And if you dare make fun of her, her clan will have your head.
And if you dare make fun of her, her clan will have your head.REI:
I never really have to work, 'cause that's what I have servants for
And when I walk I glide along, my feet don't really touch the floor:
I've visited the Emperor's court, there's no one there I do not know,
I am the very model of a wealthy Crane-type Daimyo.MAGISTRATES:
She's visited the Emperor's court, there's no one there she does not know,
She is the very model of a wealthy Crane-type Daimyo.REI:
In fact, when I buy twenty lanterns 'cuz I can't decide which one is best
When I shop from dawn to dusk and never, ever really stop to rest,
When koku fly out of my purse as though it were a waterfall
When my selections grow so large the peasants can't collect them all
When I have purchased nifty toys that come from gaijin 'cross the sea,
When I spend more than you make in a whole year of work on tea --
In short, when I've gone on a real expensive shopping spree,
You'll say "The Crane are really cool, I really wish that it was me."MAGISTRATES:
You'll say "The Crane are really cool, I really wish that it was me."
You'll say "The Crane are really cool, I really wish that it was me."
You'll say "The Crane are really cool, I really wish that it was me."REI:
The emperor protects my clan, he likes me more than you, you see
For all you do in Rokugan, its still viewed secondarily;
I've visited the Emperor's court, there's no one there I do not know,
I am the very model of a wealthy Crane-type Daimyo.MAGISTRATES:
She's visited the Emperor's court, there's no one there she does not know,
She is the very model of a wealthy Crane-type Daimyo
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Credits: Copyright Edmund Metheny, 2002-2003. This site copyright Sophie Lagacé, 2002-2003.
And what a treat – L5R songs!