Legends of the Five Rings:

Kakita Rei Is Puzzled

The simple story is always the best.

Kakita-san:  "Shosuro-san?"

Shosuro Yumiko-chan:  "Hai, Kakita-san?"

Kakita-san:  "That man, the one who was trying to kill the girl in the future - I mean the one who we stopped from killing the girl in the future - I mean the one who will try to kill a girl in the future and we'll stop him like we just did - I mean..."

Shosuro-chan:  "I know who you are talking about.  Shosuro Kando.  The Scorpion that I shot with the bow and Ka - I mean, Amakuchi killed."

Kakita-san (whose head now hurts):  "Yes!  That one!  Will you, I mean do you, I mean did you...  in the future...  in the past..  I mean..."

Shosuro-chan:  "Did I what, Kakita-san?"

Kakita-san (whose head now REALLY hurts, and who really isn't sure about the etiquette for asking questions about events that simultaneously happened about an hour ago and 15 years in the future):  "Well, I could not happen to help overhearing his name."

Shosuro-chan (somewhat distracted):  "His name?  Well yes.  He told us his name.  It was Shosuro Kando."

Kakita-san:  "Is Kando a common name among the Shosuro?"

Shosuro-chan:  "I really wouldn't know - I am originally of the Soshi family.  The only Kando I know of among the Shosuro is my husband."

Kakita-san (stunned at the lack of etiquette and verbal fencing common in the Crane court) "ACK! I mean, ahem, ah, er...  really?"

Shosuro-chan (demurely):  "Indeed."

Kakita-san (furiously rearranging kimono and fluttering fan):  "Indeed."

(Pause.  Kakita-san engages in around 15 seconds' worth of Crane standard "makeup and hair straightening maneuvers designed to buy time when you are caught off guard in a conversation".  Shosuro-chan watches impassively.)

Kakita-san (putting final touches on hair):  "I cannot help but wonder who he was - er, will be, I mean is, I mean..."

Shosuro-chan:  "Nobody of consequence, surely."

Kakita-san:  "He seemed to know the ronin Amakuchi."

Shosuro-chan:  "Did he?  I didn't really notice.  I pay little attention to the ronin's doings."

Kakita-san:  "Yes, they spoke extensively as I recall.  Perhaps we could ask the ronin who he was."

Amakuchi:  "Who who was?"

Kakita-san:  "ACK!  Amakuchi-san, I did not hear you arrive."

Amakuchi:  "Been here all along, Kakita-san."

Kakita-san:  "But surely there was nobody else here when I arrived!"

Amakuchi:  "We ronin frequently go unnoticed.  It is a result of our lowly birth."

Kakita-san (relieved that someone is finally saying something that makes perfect sense):  "Ah, I understand.  In any event, I was wondering - the Scorpion that we met - will met - have met ..."

Amakuchi:  "Shosuro Kando?"

Kakita-san:  "Yes, him.  Do you...  that is to say, have you ever...  I mean will you..., I mean..."

Amakuchi:  "No."

Kakita-san (confused):  "Um... no?"

Amakuchi:  "No."

Kakita-san:  "Ah.  No."

(Kakita-san scrutinizes Amakuchi, and notes that one of his front teeth gives off a very charismatic gleam, but cannot otherwise determine what the hell he is talking about).

Kakita-san:  "No...?"

Amakuchi (nodding):  "No."

Kakita-san:  "Oh."

(another pause ensues, as Kakita-san tries to figure out another way of getting to the point.)

Kakita-san:  "Shosuro-san, I am looking very much forward to meeting your husband.  He has also been appointed as an Emerald Magistrate, has he not?"

Shosuro-chan:  "Indeed.  It is a pity that his duties did not allow him to attend Winter Court this year."

Kakita-san:  "Indeed.  He must be very handsome and brave to be appointed to serve the Emerald Champion.  What is he like?"

(Shosuro-chan glances at Amakuchi.  Amakuchi shrugs.)

Shosuro-chan:  "In truth he is rather unremarkable of feature.  He is difficult to describe because no particular physical characteristics come to mind.  He is neither particularly short nor particularly tall, his features are plain.  In truth, though I am his wife I would have difficulty picking him out of a crowd."

Kakita-san:  "Oh, my goodness!  It was an arranged marriage then?"

Shosuro-chan:  "Of course.  Still he is kind enough, and quite witty.  He is, by training, a Shosuro butei."

Kakita-san:  "What a strange choice as an Emerald Magistrate!"

Shosuro-chan:  "I am sure he will serve nobly.  I believe he intends to spend much of his time patrolling Teardrop Island."

(Kakita-san pauses at this scandalous allusion.  Amakuchi stands impassively.  Shosuro-chan delicately adjusts the kempei flower brooch on her kimono.)

Kakita-san:  "Are you not worried, Shosuro-san?"

Shosuro-chan:  "About what, Kakita-san?"

Kakita-san:  "Are you not worried that the man we encountered - will encounter - that he be - might have been..."

Shosuro-chan:  "No."

Kakita-san:  "Oh."  (Pause as Kakita-san considers her next words and debates the merits of adopting a more Scorpion style of conversation).  "Why not?"

Shosuro-chan (offhand):  "Oh, my husband would never spend time with a Shiba.  He considers them ineffective."

(Amakuchi stifles a chuckle)

[Return to top]