My Dearest Constanza,
As I write this my heart is pounding and my hands are
trembling, so forgive my poor script. I've done something very improper
but I felt the circumstances warranted it, but now the guilt eats at my
very soul.
I believe I told you that Doña Veronica was
staying with us while she recovered from her ordeal? Well, after
my eve of penance, I returned to the embassy to find that Lucas and Vlad
had fought with some Montaigne men led by Jacques Lévêsque
d'Aur who came to kidnap her. They were successful and Lucas was
in a foul temper. This leads me to believe he is very fond of her,
which will be important in a moment.
Well, we discovered the man I mentioned in my last
letter was to be in public, viewing a procession. He is in fact a
bishop that needed to be saved from the hand of the Inquisition and your
cousin was determined to try and help him. So off we all went to
the procession. Unfortunately Lucas and I ended up standing with
Padre Alfonso. The man is a bane to my existence! He shows
up at the most inopportune moments. No wonder he's a priest.
So in an effort to break away from the priest, Lucas
pretended to be feeling slightly ill, but the Padre insisted on escorting
us back to the church so that he might lie down. Deciding to help
as best I could, I suddenly 'remembered' an appointment with the Montaigne
ambassador that he must hasten to, or he would be late. I squeezed
his arm slightly, so he'd know that I was stretching the truth. He
chided me for forgetting but the Padre would have none of it. He
said if we needed to leave to go with Theus' grace, but it was obvious
that he knew I'd been telling an untruth.
As we departed, I was separated from your cousin and
so I went in search of Juan, Ferdinand, and Vlad. I'm afraid they
were nowhere to be found and as I was deciding what to do, I heard cries
of 'El Vago!' Now you know I've always wanted to see him! So
off I ran. He had evidently gone up the side of the amphitheater
and was on a balcony fighting with the church guards! I ran inside
as I wasn't about to climb the wall in my skirt. Although had I been
wearing trousers, I might have attempted it. Anyway, by the time
I had followed the sounds, he was already gone. What a pity.
I returned to the embassy, to find Ferdinand, Lucas,
and a stranger. He was Castillian and gave his name as Mendoza.
He's an entertainer of all things! Anyway, Ferdinand was badly sliced
up and I prepared for surgery. Lucas was also injured, but he refused
to allow me to assist him, saying he would be fine after some rest.
I began to stitch Ferdinand back together. He's going to have a few
nasty scars, but at least he'll live.
After surgery I cleaned up and went back into the study
to find Padre Alfonso waiting there to see Lucas. Wanting to find
out what he was doing there, I sat down and chatted with him until Lucas
showed up. Can you believe it? He was there to arrest Lucas!
You cousin took it fairly well, and we stepped out to the foyer.
I advised him I would tell Ferdinand and Juan. While he went to get
a change of clothing I told Ferdinand and then grabbed Mendoza to come
with me to see the Eisenfürst. I wasn't truly expecting help
from him, but I had to try. He's at least interested in Lucas' activities
and may even be considered a friend. Or maybe not.
As I suspected, our visit to the Eisenfürst was
futile. When I tried to pique his interest by saying if Lucas was
in jail he'd have no more interesting parties, he decided that I should
have the parties instead. But I did get the chance to say hello to
Logan. I do worry about him, closeted with a drunk all day and night.
I did recall that Lucas was a patron of a club called
the Fox and Hound or Fox's Den or some such when we returned to the embassy.
So I took Ferdinand and Mendoza with me to try and seek help there as well
once Armin had provided us with directions. Again, I failed.
We next went to the church and spoke to Padre Wiesels, but he would only
tell us that it was best for us to not get involved and turned us away.
In despair I went back to the embassy with our entertainer friend.
And who should be there but Don Juan! He was badly burned and although
I determined the extent of his injuries, there was nothing I could do.
Burned flesh has to knit back together on its own. There is nothing
to stitch, you see. I advised him of Lucas' plight and he had some
strange story of Lucas running down the street chased by the guards.
As we were deciding our next step, Lucas himself showed up. It seems
the church had released him but he didn't look very pleased about it.
He spoke for a time to Don Juan and then decided to retire. As he
was headed for his room, there was a knock at the door and he told Armin
to tell whoever it was to go away. Being curious, Ferdinand and I
trailed Armin to the door.
Our visitor was none other than Jacques Lévêsque
d'Aur! Was my mention of an appointment with the Montaigne ambassador
some sort of premonition, do you think? His hands were covered in
blood from ripping a hole in the universe and he seemed very jaunty.
He had a gift he wished to leave for Lucas and a note as well. Armin
looked to me and I accepted them, tucking the note in my pocket, intending
to give it to Lucas in the morning. The cask of wine, Armin took
to clean up, as the Montaigne man had been carrying it in his bloody hands.
Then he actually took my hand to kiss it! The blood seems different
somehow, I can't explain, but it made my stomach roll. I was polite
and charming nevertheless and he went his way. I went to wash my
hands.
Upon my return, Juan called me to the kitchen where
he and Mendoza were standing watch over the cask and Juan asked me to look
at it, fearing poison or some such. I opened up the cask to check
and had to immediately assume my professional face. In the cask was
the severed head of doña Veronica de Ochoa. Whilst Juan, Mendoza,
and Armin looked on, I took a moment to examine it and determined that
her head had been chopped off with an axe and I can assure you that the
first blow was not the killing one. I took the letter from my pocket
that was meant for Lucas and opened it. It was a very insulting letter
which I will not repeat and d'Aur thanked him for delivering Veronica to
their hands. I hesitated a moment and then showed it to Juan.
We both agreed that Lucas should not see it, as difficult as the last few
days have been, so I threw it into the fire and watched it burn, Veronica's
blood on my hands.
I told Armin to refer Lucas to me if he asked of last
night's visitor, and told him to dispose of the macabre gift. Never
have I felt so guilty! I know I shouldn't keep it from him, but I
can't bear to tell him. What should I do? You know him better
than I. And now I shall have to tell him how I know and explain that
I burnt the letter and disposed of the head. In retrospect I probably
should have made sure it received a proper burial, but I wasn't thinking
at the time. I just wanted it gone before he could see it.
Do you know what his relationship with Veronica was? I imagine how
I would feel if a gift turned out to be, well, what it was. I should
be devastated! These last few days have been horrible for Lucas and
I just can't be the one to tell him such news. Although eventually
he'll find out and then what will he think of me for withholding this information?
I just don't know what to do!
I took him breakfast this morning, driven by guilt.
He seemed rather surprised that it was me and not Armin, but said very
little. Freiburg has etched new lines upon his face and knowing what
I know, well, it broke my heart to see him. I started to tell him
then, but changed my mind and said only that I was concerned when he was
arrested that he would not return. Theus forgive me, I just couldn't
stand to see that look in his eyes. He reminded me of the men at
El Moro. Sometimes their faces haunt my dreams. Have you ever
looked into the eyes of a man who knows that there is no way he can win,
but fights on because of his duty? It is heart-rending. Theus
forgive my improper behavior, but I could not bear it. I sat on the
edge of his bed, held his face in my hands and kissed him.
He seemed quite surprised as I grabbed the dishes and fled the room.
What am I to do? Lucas has been so kind to me
and agreed to intervene on my behalf with Papa and has let me live at the
embassy and I feel terrible. Every time I look at him, my secret
weighs heavily upon my heart. I suppose I shall just be as kind to
him as I'm able and maybe when he finds out he will understand why I did
what I did and forgive me. Last eve, in the privacy of my room, I
cried myself to sleep, worrying about this and desperately wished you were
here to comfort me. And tonight the situation looks no better.
If I could kill d'Aur right now, I'd not hesitate.
As always,
Meli
