Fiction, Funnies, and Songs:

This is the Ballad of Wacky Juan,
A crazy minstrel with a crab claw on.
He woos the ladies with his charm,
Until they see what's on his arm.

His tongue won't burn from steaming java,
He likes to bathe in molten lava.
He'll play a tune on his guitar,
His tentacles make him a star.

Yes, lobster boy is quite a hit,
Though Lucas makes him throw a fit.
And if you want to watch him shudder,
Just threaten him with melted butter.

Oh, Juan can do most anything,
The fire he flings, the sword he swings,
He truly is a hero great,
If only he could get a date...