Fiction, Funnies, and Songs:

"The Cardinal Went to Eisen"

    by Ken Grey

{Sit down and listen to one of my favorites:  – Ken)

To the tune of "The Devil went down to Georgia" by Charlie Daniels.

The Cardinal went down to Eisen
He was looking for a soul to heal
And he was in a bind
'Cause he was way behind
And was willin' to make a deal.

When he came upon this young man dodging
a sword and swingin' it hot
the Cardinal jumped up on a hickory
stump and said,
"Boy let me tell you what:

I bet you didn't know it
but I'm a swordsman too,
And if you care to take a dare
I'll make a bet with you
Now you dodge a pretty good sword boy
But give the Cardinal his due
I'll bet a Syrneth Artifact against your soul
'Cause I think I'm better than you."

The boy said, "My name's Juanito
And it might be a sin
But I'll take your bet, your gonna regret
'Cause I'm the best that's ever been."

Juanito you sharpen up your sword and cross your
heart. 'Cause hell's broke loose in Eisen
And Verdugo deals the cards
And if you win you get this Syrneth Artifact made of gold
But if you lose the Cardinal gets your soul.

Verdugo opened up his case and he said,
"I'll start this show."
And fire flew from his fingertips

As he sharpened up his sword
And he pulled the sword from the scabbard
And it made an evil hiss
Then a band of Inquistion joined in
And it sounded something like this

When the Cardinal finished Juanito said,
"Well you're pretty good ol' son!
But sit down in that chair right there
And let me show you how it's done!"

Fire in the mansion, run boys run
Verdugo's in the house of the rising palm
Chickens in the breadpan, picking out dough
Ferd does your dog bite?  No, child, no

The Cardinal bowed his head ¹
Because he knew that he'd been beat,
And he laid that golden Artefact
On the ground at Juanito's feet
Juanito said, "Verdugo, just come on back
if you ever wanna try again.
I done told you once,
You son-of-a-bitch,
I'm the best that's ever been!"

He sang:
Fire in the mansion, run boys run
Verdugo's in the house of the rising palm
Chickens in the breadpan, picking out dough
Ferd does your dog bite?  No, child, no

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¹ Alternate version of this verse, by Edmund:

The Cardinal bowed his head
Because he'd been beat to heck,
And he put that funky artefact
Around Ferdinand's neck.
Juanito said, "Verdugo, just come on back
if you ever wanna challenge me
This thing is nice,
You son-of-a-bitch,
But I also want the key!"

Return to Ken's original song.